1. Fake Nails

I decided it would be a good idea to get fake nails for the first time in my life about a month ago.  I was in Houston for work, and since there wasn't much else to do, my co-conspirator and I thought it would be fun to pay someone to sand down our natural nails and paint on a thick layer of clear acrylic.  It was fun (not nearly as fun as sitting by an ice skating rink eating jelly beans while watching people fall), and we were both pretty happy with the results.  So we decided to try keeping them for a while.  A month later, I think I have come up with a pretty substantial list of pros and cons.  

Since pros are usually more fun, we will begin with those:

1. Fake nails last waaay longer than a manicure for about the same price depending on what kind you get.  We supposedly got "solar nails" at the salon in Houston, but really it was just white tips and clear acrylic.  Semantics?

2. It's not as difficult to function with fake nails as I thought it would be.  Granted I didn't get the 2-inch talons that would make typing more difficult than grabbing a trout out of a river, so that probably makes a difference.  There have been a few snafus along the way involving necklace clasps and pull tabs on pop cans, but for the most part it is business as usual!

3. Fake nails plain look nice.  I feel just the littlest bit more polished when I get ready in the morning knowing that my nails aren't 10 different lengths with chipping polish that doesn't match anything I have worn in the past week.

Now for the cons:

1. Fake nails are EXPENSIVE!  This is probably the most obvious drawback.  Think about it: you have to pay someone to apply them, you have to pay someone to trim them and fill the gap that forms between the fake nail and the cuticle as the natural nail grows every two weeks (trimming costs extra!), and then you have to pay someone to remove them!  There is no DIY aspect to the equation!  At least with a manicure you can diligently apply top coat every couple days in an attempt to maintain, and you can pull out the nail polish remover at any time once the manicure is past its prime.  I need to get these nails removed soon since the fake tips have started to grow past the natural tips, but I need to cough up $50 and two hours of free time in order to do so.  

2. Fake nails get really dirty.  When shmutz gets trapped under your finger nail, what is the best tool to remove it?  That's right, another fingernail.  But when your fingernails are four times thicker than usual, it makes things like picking schmutz out of your nails, or your teeth, or any other small schmutz-prone crevices virtually impossible.  There is an upside to this con though: I find myself compulsively washing my hands more than usual these days in an effort to keep any would-be schmutz at bay.

3. Fake nails are a slippery slope.  My natural nails are pretty flimsy and break easily, so it has been a welcome change having sturdy nails for the past month.  But I can already tell that the natural nail is withering beneath its shiny acrylic veneer.  Once I do finally get the fake nails removed the natural nails will probably be even more flimsy and break even more often than usual.  Will I have the patience to grow the natural nail out again?  Or while I give up and start the cycle all over again in a couple weeks because I can't handle having brittle, ugly nails?  

And why stop at just having perfect nails?  Maybe I will decide that I need perfect hair and start coloring it.  Maybe I will get tired of always being so pale and start fake baking.  Maybe I'll take a second look at my nose or my boobs or my waistline and decide to pursue a synthetic solution to the imperfections on those parts of my body.  Could something as innocent as fake nails really lead to plastic surgery?  And if it did, would it really be so bad?  I suppose there are worse things I could be doing with my time and money.  But then I remember that I am made in the image of God and, though my body bears the short-comings of sin, it is still a temple meant to glorify Him who created it.  

That is not to say my temple can't have fake nails or your temple can't have strawberry blonde highlights.  Just remember that all you do is to His glory, so fill and foil to the glory of God! 

Whew!  In the inaugural post of this blog I promised you posts that were neither too shallow nor too serious, so when I saw the first subject was fake nails I thought, "ohhh maaan ..."  Here's hoping I struck the right balance!