Blame Facebook

Sorry for the gap in blog posts. It's all Facebook's fault. Facebook ate my notes, so I can't get to my 50 random things. I'll keep trying to rescue them in order to have fodder for future blog posts. Otherwise you'll have to put up with whatever happens to be floating around in my head at the moment. Scary.

11. New York CITY!?

I've never been to New York City, and I'm ok with that.

I have nothing against New York City. I don't think it is overrated. I think it has many wonderful things to offer visitors and residents. Sure, I'd like to do a tour of Manhattan: see a Broadway show, visit Chelsea Market (since I'm obsessed with Food Network), take a stroll in Central Park, window shop on 5th Avenue, have a seizure in Time Square, and enjoy an authentic NY bagel, hot dog, and pizza slice. I just don't feel like an incomplete person having never done these things.

I certainly wouldn't turn down an opportunity to visit the Big Apple, it's just not a personal life goal at the moment. Maybe it's like having kids: you never really know what you are missing until you do it. I guess I can live with that for now.

10. The Candy Woman Can

Who can resist candy? As Alton Brown says, "show me someone who doesn't like candy and I'll show you someone just South of trustworthy."

In high school I worked at Kilwin's in St. Joe Michigan. It was more than your average ice cream parlor in a touristy area by Lake Michigan because we made real Macknic Island fudge in the store! We even had the big copper kettle and marble slabs in the front window so people could watch the show! I paddled and formed my way through more pounds of fudge than I care to recall while I worked there. I also learned to make caramel for gourmet caramel apples (truly works of art!), caramel corn, and various brittles.

While I already liked to cook and bake, I fell in love with candy making because it is pure science: exact ingredients, exact temperatures, and exact procedures yield a perfect batch of fudge/caramel/peanut brittle every time. Sure, it takes some time and undivided attention, but the end result is so worth it. I especially loved packaging freshly made fudge or caramel corn off the marble slab and seeing the "I must have that!" look in the customer's eyes.

Candy making is a great hobby (or would be if I had the time and kitchen space for it), but someday I would love to study it further and possibly make a career shift in that direction. While I doubt I would ever become a master sugar sculpter, make complex chocolate masterpieces, or be the next Willy Wonka, it would be fun rekindling an old passion and savoring the results along the way.

9. Shorts Are Evil

It's quite simple really: my legs should never see the light of day. So any article of clothing that showcases them is inherently evil and I hate them.

I wear them when I have to: sporting events, intense cleaning or home repair sessions, etc. But by and large, shorts are probably the worst fashion invention in the history of time. I'd rather wear a skirt or sweat to death in a pair of jeans.

I don't even own a pair of non-athletic shorts right now. I bought a pair of maternity shorts when I was pregnant with my son thinking that maybe my growing belly would distract people from the two giant white monstrosities that were propping me up.

Not so much.

For all of you out there who actually enjoy wearing shorts (weirdos), more power to you.

I Blog for Rich

So ... I fell off the blogging bandwagon ... hard. Sure, I could tell you about how busy I've been lately and recount in painful detail all of the things that have pushed blogging from the back burner off the stove completely, but I won't. I will simply say that I'm ready to get up, dust off, and try again.

Why?

Because I blog for Rich.

See, Rich is leaving tomorrow for a long-term mission project in Africa. Even though we haven't lived in the same state for years, something about him being that far away for that long has motivated me to renew my commitment to blogging. Not that anything I have to say is so profound that it will instantly quell any feelings of homesickness Rich is sure to have in the coming months. But perhaps some random rambling of mine will make him laugh and serve as a little piece of home for the moment.

And I challenge my fellow bloggers wallowing in the dust left by the blogging bandwagon to do the same! I guess you could say I'm "throwing down." :-) Let's all blog for Rich (and Maya, Chris, Kathy, Matt, Josh, Becca too) so we can stay connected while worlds apart.

Safe travels and Godspeed!

8. Ludicrous Speed

Picking a favorite band might be complicated for me, but picking a favorite movie most definitely is not.

Spaceballs. Hands down.

Yes, Spaceballs. As in President Scroob, flying Winnebago, Pizza the Hut, "may the Schwartz be with you" Spaceballs.

I don't even remember seeing Spaceballs for the first time. Since it was made in 1987, I was probably 6 or so. I didn't understand half of the jokes until recently, but still found it rather entertaining and obviously quite memorable. The quotes alone are priceless! "What's the matter, Colonel Sandurz? Chickennn?" Genius!

But how could such a silly movie captivate me for over two decades? It's quite simple really: 1) Mel Brooks is a comic genius, and 2) I am a sucker for slapstick parody movies.

I know this is completely subjective and impossible to prove, but I don't really feel that the first point requires any explanation. Mel Brooks is one of the funniest men of our time. His jokes are timeless, and I appreciate how he complete immerses himself into a movie (writing, acting, directing, probably setting a few lights here and there ...). There are other funny people in this world, but Mel Brooks is at the top of my list when it comes to movies.

Second, when I am looking to be entertained I want to laugh. I don't want to cry, think, be grossed out or scared. I don't want to watch a movie that stresses me out or makes me want to cover my eyes the entire time. When I remember what I watched I want to laugh, not wretch. I think I especially enjoy parodies because they make fun of movies that take themselves entirely too seriously. I'm all about that in pretty much every aspect of my life!

So what did we find out about Rachel today? I suppose you could say, "We ain't found ..."

7. Epic Fail

There are certain abilities that I think are very sacred. They are abilities that you cultivate very carefully because failing while doing them could be at best embarrassing and at worst deadly, especially when other people are involved.

Driving is by far a person's most sacred ability. I judge a person's character pretty heavily on how they drive: too slow, too fast, just generally unobservant of other people ... I think all of these driving styles can say a lot about a person!

I fancy myself a good driver. I'm careful yet aggressive when I need to be, and can have a pretty colorful vocabulary when people around me aren't driving in a manner I find appropriate. I've never been in a serious accident (a couple fender benders, apparently I have issues with right turn ramps) and never gotten a ticket. Sure I've had my share of "run-ins" with inanimate objects other than cars (I prefer brightly colored objects like fire hydrants and poles in parking structures). It takes a lot to unnerve me when I'm driving by myself. But for whatever reason when I am hauling others I get all nervous and make small but stupid mistakes.

I guess I'm OK with failing in private, or at least not in front of people I know. But if I were to ever get into an accident, get pulled over, or hit an inanimate or animate object with someone else in my car, I would absolutely die of embarrassment.

That is a pretty bold statement because it takes A LOT to embarrass me. I can trip and fall in public, jump back up, drop a witty remark, and keep walking like nothing happened! I willingly divulge embarrassing facts about myself in everyday conversation! Don't believe me? My bedroom was so messy growing up that my sister and brother once found a petrified piece of cheese under my bed. Howdya like me now? :-)

Luckily I've never had to find out just how embarrassed I would be if I made a major mistake while driving with other people in my car. But it begs a deeper question: why can't I just accept the fact that I'm human and I'm going to make mistakes at everything I do? I don't mind screwing up other stuff like walking and basic cleanliness. Why is driving so different?

6. Math

I don't like doing things that I am not naturally good at. I don't like falling, failing, or asking stupid questions. That goes for pretty much everything (rollerblading, skiing, making grilled cheese, etc.) but most especially math.

I fully admit it: I gave up on math. When I was a freshman in college I took precalculus and earned my first C. I followed that up with the statistics class required of all business students and earned my second C. That was about enough for me. Besides, when was I ever going to need or want to know this stuff anyway? Isn't that why God created calculators?

Later in college I worked for the math department and started hanging out with math tutors and grad students. At first I laughed at them having arguments in front of chalkboards about some theorem I had only maybe heard of. But then I realized that had I worked harder and gone further in math, I probably would have been able to contribute to their conversation. More importantly, I would probably be a more rounded person.

But, I didn't. No regrets, but I've learned two important facts: it's never too late to learn math, and some things that don't come naturally are still worth learning how to do.

Except skiing, which is inherently evil and should never be done by anyone ever.

5. Barenaked Ladies

"What's your favorite band?"

*sighhh*

What an infuriatingly simple yet impossible to answer question. Is anyone really so one-dimensional that they have just one favorite band? Luckily, I do have a stock answer I can use whenever asked this question: Barenaked Ladies. I've been a fan for almost 10 years, I own most of their albums, and I can listen to their music anytime, anywhere and it puts me in a good mood. But like most people, one band cannot tell the entire story of my musical personality.

Heck, I don't even have one single type of music that I can call my favorite! I like all types of music, I think that most genres have something to offer to the soundtrack of my life. But if I had to pick a favorite type of music, I would have to invent a new genre and call it "nerd rock."

It's a pretty simple formula actually: a male lead singer who is slightly awkward yet completely adorable, who sings with a little cry in his voice (technically known as an epiglottal flip ... only the truly nerdy musicians among us know what that is without going to Wiki!), paired with your basic guitar/bass/drums combo, with a piano and some wind instruments for kicks. Mix all of this with lyrics that are witty and irreverant without being gratuitously offensive, and you've got yourself the ultimate nerd rock band! Barenaked Ladies is a prime example of nerd rock, but they are not the only nerd rockers out there: Domestic Problems, Weezer, Ben Folds, James Blunt, Jason Mraz, and OAR are other fine examples.

But what about non-nerd rockers on my playlist? Here is just a sampling of some other favorite bands in my life:
Favorite local band - Domestic Problems (regional version of BNL)
Favorite band to see in concert - 19 Wheels
Favorite band had I been born 10 years earlier - Duran Duran
Favorite band had I been born 20 years earlier - Chicago (25 or 6 to 4 baby!)
Favorite band had I been born 30 years earlier - Simon & Garfunkel
Favorite late 90s teen queen - Christina Aguilera
Favorite late 90s boy band - Backstreet Boys (I thought the blonde guy was super delicious; not Nick Carter, the other one ... or am I thinking of 98 Degrees?!)
Favorite rappers - Slick Rick and Doug E. Fresh
Favorite country crooner - Martina McBride
Favorite Christian band - Audio Adrenaline
Favorite punk cover band - Me First and the Gimme Gimmes
Favorite hard rock band - Metallica
Favorite WTH are you even talking about band: They Might Be Giants
Previous favorite band that I am most ashamed of - Color Me Badd (this is all my sister's fault)
Favorite bands that prompt changing the station (3 way tie!) - Phil Collins/Genesis, Pink, and Smashing Pumpkins

So ... what's YOUR favorite band? ;-)

4. Campfires

A campfire is a feast for the senses. Watch the flames dance in bright shades of orange. Listen to the wood crackle as it is consumed. Feel the dry warmth radiate from the coals. Fill your nose with the pungent aroma of charred wood. You can even taste a campfire in the unmistakable smokiness of a marshmallow cooked over an open flame!

I like camping, and the campfire is by far the best part. But I grew up in a family of pyros with a mom who despises camping. So it didn't take long before we chose to bypass the camping part altogether and just burn things in our backyard. My dad was pretty creative with his fuel sources. Typically it was wood directly from trees, but there was a palate of old bowling pins one time that I feel is worth mentioning.

Evenings spent around our non-camping campfires are some of my best memories. Not that anything particularly momentous happened around the campfire, but there was something almost magic about being our under the stars enjoying the feast for the senses in the company of my family. We would stay up late and just talk about whatever: current events, past shenanigans, or future dreams. Friends and neighbors often stopped by making the campfire the number one social hot spot (heh, pun absolutely intended) on East Ogden Circle! I learned a lot around the campfire, not the least of which was how to build one properly.

A fireplace just isn't the same for me. I like that a campfire demands your undivided attention on a dark night. I also like how a campfire is the focal point of the gathering, and that people sit around it on all sides. For some reason I think that leads to more thought provoking conversation. Even though my parents have traded in the traditional campfire for a wood burning stove by the back porch, it still captures the essence of a campfire for me.

We are going camping for the first time as a family over Memorial Day weekend. I hope that we can start making the same campfire memories for my son that I had growing up. Or maybe he'll just grow up to be a pyro. Whatev. :-)

3. Baby Laughter

I love the sound of a baby laughing.  It is by far the sweetest sound I've ever heard.  I'm especially fond of my son's laughter, not just for the obvious reason that he is my son, but because he has a big jolly belly laugh.  It fits him now that he is 14 months old, but to hear that big of a laugh come out of a 4 month old was shocking yet delightful the first time!  I couldn't help but laugh also!

By contrast, the most horrible sound I've ever heard is a baby crying.  Any baby really, but of course to hear my son cry is at best maddening and at worst heart-wrenching.  When I heard his first cries of life and should have been comforted to know that his lungs were strong and he was healthy, all I wanted to do was hold my new baby close and calm his cries (thankfully Daddy was able to do this while I was being reassembled).  Even now when he cries out in his sleep at night it takes everything inside me to stop, wait, and listen to hear if he really needs Mommy or Daddy to come or if he can work it out and get back to sleep on his own.  

Sometimes I wish there could be only laughter and never tears.  

But if there were no tears, would I start to take the laughter for granted?  I think I might.  It's like having a cup of coffee with a slice of chocolate cake: the bitterness of the coffee makes the cake that much sweeter (I know, bad analogy during Lent, right?).  There needs to be tears from time to time: a boo boo here, a bad dream there, even the occasional mini-tantrum when Daddy is takes away the remote or Mommy has hidden all of the binkies.  These times are opportunities to give extra hugs and kisses, and perhaps a well-placed zerbert can bring the laughter right back.

So I am thankful for my baby's laughter, and also thankful for the tears: they make an already sweet sound that much sweeter!

2. Belly Buttons

I love my belly button.  Sure, it's a random and seemingly useless part of the body, but I still love it.  I love the fact that it is called a button, like if you push it something profound should happen.  I just laugh when my belly button is pushed because it happens to be extremely ticklish.  I considered piercing it at one point, but I'm glad I decided against it.  Most people when they have a part of their body they are especially fond of they like to show it off.  Not me.  I prefer to keep my belly button under wraps so it is for my enjoyment only!  

I recently discovered I wasn't the only one who felt strongly about my belly button.  When I was pregnant with my son, my husband was horrified at the thought that my belly button could disappear as my belly grew.  I assured him that even if it did disappear my belly button would return to its full glory after the baby was born.  He was still pretty agitated about the prospect of having a belly button-less wife.  Thankfully it never became an issue.

There is a deeper reason why I have such a strange fondness for my belly button.  It reminds me of the physical connection I once had with my mom before I was born.  It reminds me that no matter who independent I may be, there was once a time when I was so completely dependent on my mom that I had to be physically connected to her at all times.  The same is true for my son's belly button: it will be a reminder to him as he grows up that there was once a time where he and I were physically connected.  Though that physical connection was severed at birth, leaving behind a belly button, the spiritual and emotional connection between us grows stronger each day.

So next time you are picking lint out of your belly button, stop and think about your mom and everything she has done for you over the years.  Better yet, call her and tell her that you were picking lint out of your belly button and you thought of her.  She may be momentarily taken aback by the randomness, but with a little explanation she will think it's sweet.

While we are on the subject, does anyone think that Adam and Eve had belly buttons?   

1. Fake Nails

I decided it would be a good idea to get fake nails for the first time in my life about a month ago.  I was in Houston for work, and since there wasn't much else to do, my co-conspirator and I thought it would be fun to pay someone to sand down our natural nails and paint on a thick layer of clear acrylic.  It was fun (not nearly as fun as sitting by an ice skating rink eating jelly beans while watching people fall), and we were both pretty happy with the results.  So we decided to try keeping them for a while.  A month later, I think I have come up with a pretty substantial list of pros and cons.  

Since pros are usually more fun, we will begin with those:

1. Fake nails last waaay longer than a manicure for about the same price depending on what kind you get.  We supposedly got "solar nails" at the salon in Houston, but really it was just white tips and clear acrylic.  Semantics?

2. It's not as difficult to function with fake nails as I thought it would be.  Granted I didn't get the 2-inch talons that would make typing more difficult than grabbing a trout out of a river, so that probably makes a difference.  There have been a few snafus along the way involving necklace clasps and pull tabs on pop cans, but for the most part it is business as usual!

3. Fake nails plain look nice.  I feel just the littlest bit more polished when I get ready in the morning knowing that my nails aren't 10 different lengths with chipping polish that doesn't match anything I have worn in the past week.

Now for the cons:

1. Fake nails are EXPENSIVE!  This is probably the most obvious drawback.  Think about it: you have to pay someone to apply them, you have to pay someone to trim them and fill the gap that forms between the fake nail and the cuticle as the natural nail grows every two weeks (trimming costs extra!), and then you have to pay someone to remove them!  There is no DIY aspect to the equation!  At least with a manicure you can diligently apply top coat every couple days in an attempt to maintain, and you can pull out the nail polish remover at any time once the manicure is past its prime.  I need to get these nails removed soon since the fake tips have started to grow past the natural tips, but I need to cough up $50 and two hours of free time in order to do so.  

2. Fake nails get really dirty.  When shmutz gets trapped under your finger nail, what is the best tool to remove it?  That's right, another fingernail.  But when your fingernails are four times thicker than usual, it makes things like picking schmutz out of your nails, or your teeth, or any other small schmutz-prone crevices virtually impossible.  There is an upside to this con though: I find myself compulsively washing my hands more than usual these days in an effort to keep any would-be schmutz at bay.

3. Fake nails are a slippery slope.  My natural nails are pretty flimsy and break easily, so it has been a welcome change having sturdy nails for the past month.  But I can already tell that the natural nail is withering beneath its shiny acrylic veneer.  Once I do finally get the fake nails removed the natural nails will probably be even more flimsy and break even more often than usual.  Will I have the patience to grow the natural nail out again?  Or while I give up and start the cycle all over again in a couple weeks because I can't handle having brittle, ugly nails?  

And why stop at just having perfect nails?  Maybe I will decide that I need perfect hair and start coloring it.  Maybe I will get tired of always being so pale and start fake baking.  Maybe I'll take a second look at my nose or my boobs or my waistline and decide to pursue a synthetic solution to the imperfections on those parts of my body.  Could something as innocent as fake nails really lead to plastic surgery?  And if it did, would it really be so bad?  I suppose there are worse things I could be doing with my time and money.  But then I remember that I am made in the image of God and, though my body bears the short-comings of sin, it is still a temple meant to glorify Him who created it.  

That is not to say my temple can't have fake nails or your temple can't have strawberry blonde highlights.  Just remember that all you do is to His glory, so fill and foil to the glory of God! 

Whew!  In the inaugural post of this blog I promised you posts that were neither too shallow nor too serious, so when I saw the first subject was fake nails I thought, "ohhh maaan ..."  Here's hoping I struck the right balance!

50 Random Posts

I'm new to this whole blogging thing.  I have hesitated in the past to start a blog for two reasons: 1) I don't know that I have anything worthwhile to say, and 2) I don't know that I would stick with it long enough to find out for sure.  Yet here I am, typing away at my maiden voyage out in the swirling seas of cyber narcissism.

So in the spirit of all things novel and exciting, I have decided to make a bold statement to my new readers: I'm all in.  I promise to deliver amusing posts that are witty yet insightful, without being too serious or too shallow, at a rate that will grab and hold your attention.  How does three posts a week sound to start?  Ambitious?  Probably.  But as I said, I'm all in.

In order to have enough material for these initial posts, I will take a random fact about myself from my list of 50 random facts (yes 50, I was too random for only 25) on Facebook and blog about each one individually, giving them the care and attention they really deserve.  

So there, 50 random posts just waiting to happen.  And at three posts per week, that adds up to over four months of random blogging fun!  Who's excited?!  

I look forward to the blog-tastic journey ahead of us.  :-)